ENGLISH - WRITTEN AND SPOKEN

ENGLISH SPELLING

 

This clever poem shows why our English spelling cannot be reformed and why it must stay as it is.  Words are symbols which must be decoded.  If you will read the poem out loud, it makes perfect sense.  But the spelling of the words, which are incorrect (yet meaningfully valid) will be confusing.

 

 

Candidate For a Pullet Surprise
By Mark Eckman and Jerrold H. Zar

I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see,
It plane lee marks four my revue, Miss steaks aye dew knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no,
Its vary polished in it's weight, My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing, It freeze yew lodes of thyme,
It helps me right awl stile two reed, And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen, Eye trussed too bee a joule,
The checker pours o'er every word, To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's hour mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps, We wood bee maide too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling, Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite, Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me, It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den, With wrapped word's far as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet, Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can, Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays, such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse, Buy righting want too pleas.

The Story Behind the Poem

This clever poem has been all over the Internet in various forms, called everything from "Ode to a Spell Checker" to "Spellbound," and usually attributed to "Sauce unknown." The opening lines were written by Mark Eckman in 1991. And Dr. Jerrold H. Zar, Biology Professor at Northern Illinois University, expanded the short version to what it is today in 1992.

 

 

SCANDINAVIANS CONDENSING GOSPEL [EP]

Scandinavian Christian group is translating parts of Scripture in the most up-to-date language of young Norwegians: condensed text messages for cell phones.  “We hope to inspire increased Bible use, so this is a way in with young people,” sad Anders Torvill Bjorvand of Oslo, Norway’s Gospel Speak Internet site.  Nearly every Norwegian teen has a cell phone, and communicating using Short Message Service (SMS) has become so popular that a hyper-condensed language has been created, using code words, abbreviations, and symbols.  Bjorvand demonstrated the translation technique, using the Lord’s Prayer: “Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name.  Thy kingdom come.”  (SMS  Fthr n hvn.  U r holy.  Come.); “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.”  (SMS  rule earth as hvn.  Giv us food.); “And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”  (SMS  Frgv our wrongs.  keep temptation n evil from us.); “For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever.  Amen.”  (SMS  All is yours.  U rul in glory.  Amn.)

 

Fthr n hvn.  U r holy.  Come.  rule earth as hvn.   Giv us food.  Frgv our wrongs.  keep temptation n evil from us. All is yours.  U rul in glory.  Amn.

 

 

BRITISH ENGLISH

R. D. ICE

The English have a witty, humorous approach to language.  Here are some common proverbs rewritten by Montague Butler.

 

"A single member of the avian race,

That the prehensile digits fast embrace

The mercantile equivalent achieves

Of two at large amid arboreal leaves."

        

"Teach not your parent's mother to extract

The embryo juices of an egg by suction:

That good old lady can the feat enact

Quite irrespective of your kind instruction.

        

"The ferrous form is more than warm,

And ruddy glowings light it:

Don't wait until it starts to chill,

But smite it."

        

"The early worm goes forth with zeal

To give the hungry bird a meal.

His brother has no such intention,

And lives to draw his old age pension.

        

"Bear not to glutted cellars near the Tyne

The carbonaceous products of the mine."

        

"Observe yon plumed biped fine!

To effect his captivation

Deposit particles saline

Upon his termination."

        

"Where fluvial aggregations lie

Uncorrigated to the eye,

Their currents, one infers, may be

Impressive in profundity."

        

"Despise not wealth, nor heap on it abuse,

For cash and filthy lucre have their use.

Pecuniary agencies have force

To stimulate to speed the female horse."

               

"Who sums the yet unfractured shell of bipeds gallinaceous

Is apt to find his calculations woefully fallacious.”

        

"Thinking thine equine friend in noontide heat

Draughts from the cool and rippling rill desires,

Stand not amazed, if the ungrateful beast

merely to see his mirrored face aspires."

        

"A superfluity of culinary aid

Will mar the gastronomic juice

of osseous tissues made."

 

 

      THE COCKNEY,  Andre Deutsch Ltd.,  London,  Julian Franklyn,  author

 

         OSTENTATIOUS SLANG:

"Mr. Jones nabs the chance of putting his customers awake, that he has  just made his escape from Russia,  not forgetting to clap his mawleys upon some of the right sort of Ducks,  to make single and double-backed Slops  for gentlemen in Black, when on his return home he was stunned to find one of the top manufacturers in Manchester had cut his lucky and stepped off to the Swan stream,  leaving behind him a valuable stock  of moleskins, Cords, Velveteens, Plushes, Swansdowns,  &c., and I having some ready in the Kick, grabbed the chance, and stepped home with my swag, and am now landed at my crib.   I can turn out toggery of every description very slap-up,  at the following low prices for Ready Gilt  - Tick being no go.”

        

In a public-house,  under normal circumstances, a request for a pint of  'brown’  or  of  'wallop'  will be made; but in the presence of  an  'observer',  when the Cockney uses his rhyming slang excessively and ostentatiously,  partly to mystify and partly to establish his own superiority,  the request will be for a Walter Scott (pot) of pig’s ear (beer) . He may add that he will not get Elephant's trunk  (drunk) on it because it is half fisherman's daughter (water); but if he does he can be sure his trouble and strife (wife) will soon pick him up off the Rory O More  (floor) and get him into Uncle Ned (bed).  He may abbreviate this:  "Gimme a Walter of pig's.   I won't get  elephant's,  because it  is half fisherman's.   Me trouble would pick me off the Rory and get me into Uncle."

 

        

   SLANG - COLLOQUIAL:

"So she says  - Dick, I reckon there's a mouse in the cupboard- so what do I do?   I goes down to Jack and I says -  Jack,  I want to borrow your old tom-mog and I'll  tell yeh for why - I reckon we got a mouse.   So he says to me - Dick - 'e says - I don't mind you borrowing our old mog,  he’s a grand mouser, he is, but I don't reckon you'll be able to get hold of him.     I'll tell you for why, he says - so  I says  - 'ere, arf a mo before you go on,  I  says  - I  bet  I'll get him.   So he says - arf a mo yourself, listen here: you won't get him, I'll  tell you for why.   He's up the tree down the road after a sparrow.

 

So I goes back and she says  - where yehu been?   So I  says I been down to Jack's  to get the cat.   Yers - she says - I don't think;  you've been to have one with Jack  that's where you've been.   So I  says, says I - listen here, I says -  I couldn't get no cat because why? Because he's up a tree after sparrows."

        

 

Mothers of Jesus

MOTHERHOOD AND THE BIRTH OF JESUS

The genealogy of Jesus includes these women.

"At last! Adam exclaimed. She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman’ because she was taken out of a man." Genesis 2:23 The Book

"When the time came, she gave birth to Cain, and she said, With the Lord’s help I have brought forth a man." Genesis 4:1-2 The Book

1. EVE Genesis 4:1-2; 1 Timothy 2:15

2. TAMAR Matt. 1:3; 1 Chronicles 2:4 "Later Judah had twin sons through Tamar, his widowed daughter-in-law. Their names were Perez and Zerah. So Judah had five sons in all."

3. RAHAB Matt. 1:5; Hebrews 11:31; Joshua 6:23 "The young men went in and brought out Rahab, her father, mother, brothers, and all the other relatives who were with her. They moved her whole family to a safe place near the camp of Israel." The Book

4. RUTH Matt. 1:5; Book of Ruth

5. BATHSHEBA Matt. 1:6; 1 Chronicles 3:5 "The sons born to David in Jerusalem included Shimea, Shobab, Nathan, and Solomon. Bathsheba, the daughter of Ammiel, was the mother of these sons." The Book

6. MARY Matt. 1:16 "Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. Mary was the mother of Jesus, who is called the Messiah." The Book



Mary sang a song of praise to God.

"Oh, how I praise the Lord.

How I rejoice in God my Savior!

For He took notice of His lowly servant girl,

and now generation after generation

will call me blessed.

For He, the Mighty One, is holy,

and He has done great things for me.

His mercy goes on from generation to generation,

to all who fear Him.

His mighty arm does tremendous things!

How He scatters the proud and haughty ones!

He has taken princes from their thrones

and exalted the lowly.

He has satisfied the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away with empty hands.

And how He has helped His servant Israel!

He has not forgotten His promise to be merciful.

For He promised our ancestors -

Abraham and his children -

to be merciful to them forever."

Luke 1:46-55 The Book



Prophecy of Simeon.

"Lord, now I can die in peace!

As you have promised me,

I have seen the Savior

You have given to all people.

He is a light to reveal God to the nations,

and He is the glory of Your people Israel!"

Luke 2:29-32 The Book



Jesus places His mother in John’s care.

When Jesus saw His mother standing there

beside the disciple He loved, He said to her

Woman, he is your son.

And He said to this disciple,

She is your mother.

And from then on

this disciple took her into his home.

John 19:27 The Book

Mary Magdalene

MARY MAGDALENE R.D.Ice 11/4/2003

A TV Special on ABC Tuesday night (11-4-03) speculated on whether Mary Magdalene might have been the wife of Jesus. This examines a book, "The Da Vinci Code," which based this question on material from the Gnostics (who claimed special knowledge not available to the average person).

Of course there is no reason at all to think that Jesus was married. However the Bible gives to Mary Magdalene a very important role as one of Christ’s supporters..

From "Kingdom Dynamics." Freed to become fruitful (Mary Magdalene). Mary Magdalene first appears in the Gospels among a number of other women who constitute a part of the support-team assisting Jesus in His ministry. She had been delivered from demonic bondage, the nature of which is not related.



There is an almost indestructible body of myth that has come to surround her, primarily by reason of speakers, writers, novelists, and screenplays, which have created a fantasy that generally suggests three things, none of which are in the Bible: 1) that she had been a prostitute, 2) that she was young and attractive, and, 3) that she had a romantic affection for Jesus. She has also been frequently confused with the sinful woman forgiven by Jesus (Luke 7:36-50) and/or the woman who broke the alabaster box of perfumed ointment (Mark 14:3-9). In fact, all these proposals are speculation, yet through frequent allusion or direct reference have taken on the appearance of fact for multitudes. What is true of Mary Magdalene?

First, she was a grateful soul, because she had been freed from terrible torment. This text suggests her service for Christ was motivated by that gratitude. Second: she was a witness of the Crucifixion, though apparently not beside the Cross as were Mary, Jesus’ mother, and John the Beloved (Matt. 27:55-56). (The fact that the other women with whom she kept company were all older women supports the reasoning that she was likely their peer in age.) Third: she was present at Jesus’ burial (Mark 15:47), among those who came early Easter morning to complete the embalming of Jesus’ body (Mark 16:1), among the first to hear the angelic announcement of Jesus’ resurrection (Mark16:6), and the first person actually to talk with Jesus after He was risen (John 20:11-18). It is foolish to conclude that her movement toward greeting Jesus with an embrace following His resurrection suggests anything other than the most logical response of joy and the discovery of His being alive. Jesus’ directive that she not do so was not because there was anything unworthy in her approach. His words apparently indicate some yet uncompleted aspect of His post-crucifixion mission. [note: touch me not = do not cling to Me.]

Mary Magdalene was a steadfast disciple of Jesus and is best seen as a case study of how no dimension of satanic bondage can prohibit any individual’s being released to fruitful service for Jesus Christ. F.L.

The Compact Bible Dictionary says of her: "Mary Magdalene. Jesus cast seven devils out of her; she became His devoted and supportive disciple. She was present at the crucifixion, visited His tomb, and witnessed the resurrection. Mark 16:9; Luke 8:2; 24:10; John 20:1-18."

I wrote in the BSNT. "There is no reason at all to think her the woman at Simon’s house (Luke 7:37). She was one of the most devoted friends of Christ, and was first to see Him when He raised from death (John 20:16)."

Jesus Himself included women in His circle of disciples. Luke 8:1-3. This was very different from the Pharisees and their attitude toward women. The teachers of the Law did not believe women should be taught spiritual matters.

Paul also shows men and women equal in matters of salvation - all one in Christ. Gal. 3:28

The 120 disciples in Acts 1:12-15 included women. Only Mary the mother of Jesus is identified by name in this passage. Mary Magdalene was surely there also, as she was one of the inner circle of women.

Mary Magdalene was the very first to see the risen Christ (John 20:11-18). We wonder whether there is some important meaning here?

"Mary herself, as incredulous as the disciples, is convinced by the Risen Christ, unrecognized at first then joyfully embraced. His words, "do not cling to Me," confirm the lesson that this is the same Jesus, but not the Master of flesh and blood bound by time and space. She must not cling to the Jesus of Galilee, but keep her love for the Risen Lord who will soon be able to be present with all His disciples everywhere." William Neil (Note the other women did cling to Him temporarily, Matt. 28:9.)

The Descent of the Dove

THE DESCENT OF THE DOVE

Charles Williams wrote "A Short History of the Holy Spirit in the Church" [c 1939]. It has been reprinted by Regent College, Vancouver, BC. He was an Englishman and wrote from that point of view. It is my wish to express his thoughts from my American point of view. R.D.Ice.

1. God’s Act to Redeem the World.

Dear Church of God at Corinth, Ephesus, Jerusalem, and everywhere in the world. The beginning of the Kingdom is at a point before Time. But the spiritual trigonometry finds it among Spiritual Secrets. "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, .."

Draw a line from Bethany along the Ascending of the Christ in the clouds, and draw another from Jerusalem against the Descent of the Paraclete (Holy Spirit). This is the measurement of Eternity in operation, of the bright cloud and the rushing wind - God in Action.

History looks at an operation or action. We see the Holy Spirit act towards Christ under the conditions of our humanity. [He came as the Son of Man to set us free.] It was our humanity that gave the signal for God’s Act In Christ To Redeem The World. The visible birth of the church is at Pentecost - but that is only a result. The actual beginning - and climax - is in heaven.

2. Jesus - we believe in You!

The Spirit manifested before the nations. Those from the parts of Lybia about Cyrene, strangers of Rome, and the rest. Dispersed thousand that day caught something of the vision and heard something of the doctrine. Perhaps 100,000 (before persecution scattered them) returned to their own lands, if not as missionaries, as witnesses. The Holy Spirit took His own means to set up and spread the Church of God before a single apostolic step left Jerusalem. Mankind was to be generated anew.

They had one FACT - Christ had come, and been killed! And Risen! All had been "dead in trespasses and sins" - and now they were NOT! They were re-generated, and so might everyone be! "The promise," they shouted to the great number at Pentecost "is to you and to your children, and to all that are afar off." "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the Holy Ghost." They had believed in Jesus of Nazareth, without very clearly understanding Him. His Resurrection seemed to justify their belief. But much more now they were justified before God, or rather HE was justified by raising from death. This thing had happened in real time. In every kind of way it was true that the God of Israel would not leave their souls in hell nor allow His Holy One to see corruption.

3. Battle for the souls of mankind.

The Apostles had to proceed with the operational campaign which The Holy Ghost had initiated. But the operation had to deal with conditions (which the Confuser tried to turn to their destruction). The sign on the cross was written in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek. Jewish religion, Roman order, Greek intellect. Christ had been Himself a Jew, but a Jew put to death for Jewish blasphemy. He said He was the Son of God. Matt. 26:63-65.